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Jon Willis (Dekoyfox)

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Dekoyfox was born underground in the year 3030. His parents, afraid that the marauding robot ninjas would take their son, sent him back in time.

He spent the next three years in the wild being raised by wolverines. Thinking that this was too cliché, he wandered off and joined a group of travelling salesmen. They sent him on a special assignment in the U.S.S.R. and he was promptly captured by the government who mistook him for a spy. It was while in jail that his love for music started. Every Friday the guards would let them out of their cells and have wild dance parties. Dekoyfox started these events by shouting out words in a rhythmic fashion. This was the beginning of rap[citation needed]. The cossacks got into such a frenzy that he soon found himself touring prisons all across the U.S.S.R. He was officially pardoned and awarded a scholarship at a prestigious Moscow university.

After completing his studies in Rocket Scientology and Physics he became a Nuclear Physician treating badly injured warheads and nursing them back to health. He was a pioneer in this field and wrote many long-winded, heavily worded books about it1. He was drafted into the Red army and after only two hours had deserted, surrendered and defected. Realising that he would still have to fight, mostly against the friends he just left, he again deserted and ran into the sea. He was rescued by mermaids and would live in their underwater city for the next three years. His first wife, of many, was a mermaid2. While out harvesting kelp he was surprised to see a recently sunken vessel. Debris from the wreckage was scattered everywhere. Of particular interest to Dekoyfox was a Jazz record. It had gotten stuck on a piece of coral. He tried to loosen it to no avail. However, he noticed that with each movement the record produced a scratchy sound. He was intrigued. It finally came free and he raced home to try out record scratching for himself. After a few unsuccessful attempts he finally achieved the sound he was after. This was the first recorded record scratch[citation needed]. Feeling that this needed to be shared with the world he left the ocean, and his wife, and rejoined the land dwelling world.

When he arrived back on land he was confronted by a zombie invasion. Realising that the world would have to wait for his music he went about arming himself and killing all the zombie scum he could find. He started getting really bored and realised how much time he was wasting…….so he started djing for money.

The End

Note: Dekoyfox has been known to play hip hop, funk, soul and beats

1 – I don’t think anyone read any of them. Titles like “Rocketeering: The subtle art of rocket manipulation for profit” and “The perpetual disambiguation of rocket linguistics for the modern custodian” really don’t excite readers.

2 – Dekoyfox had twelve wives in total. Most of them were mythical creatures which is why he was never arrested for polygamy. It was extremely hard for authorities to prove their existence.

Joleanin’ by Dekoyfox

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